The most important human relationship

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When ever I type my Dear Universe blogs I always set an intention. As I begin to type this blog I feel the desire to do the same. I set the intention for this to find you at the moment that you need to read it. I ask that I provide you a message that you need that assist you as you navigate your life path.

This journey of life sure does bring a lot of twist and turns. People come and go from your life. Some may just be passing through, others may stay for your whole life.  When you first meet someone you may not even realize how important a particular relationship will be in your life. It’s crazy how one beginning can lead to eye opening endings or major life changing event. Sometimes people get stuck in the idea of what happened in the past or what the future holds. When this happens we lose sight of where we are in the present. Other times we may find that we lost our identities by allowing the external factors/people we interact with to influence the way we feel, speak and see ourselves. For some this could be a parent. Others this person may be an intimate relationship or marriage.  The crazy reality is yes, these relationships are important but they are not the most important human relationship you will have in your life time. I am in no way implying that these relationships may not have significant impacts in your life. They definitely will. They will in some way make a mark on your life line. However, there is one relationship that really impacts everything you experience. The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the relationship you have with yourself..

The relationship with yourself is one of the most important human relationships you will ever have. So talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love. When I am working with people one of my favorite tasks to give them is to write a love letter. I ask them to write a love letter to themselves that includes all the things they want to hear from the person they love. Then I tell them to read it out loud so they can hear these words. There is power in hearing the words and saying them out loud. It allows a person to see that they already have all the things they want from another person inside of them. The letter just bring it to the surface. Opening their eyes to the love they are capable of giving themselves. It allows them to see they are capable of speaking love and kindness into their own existence.

It is important to remember the way you talk to yourself not only impacts your life they also impact the life of others. The words that come out of your mouth influence how others perceive you. They shape your world which is your reality. Once words leave the mind/mouth and are heard by yourself and others they can not be taken back. The words and the energy/intention behind them are then processed by the universe, your mind or another person. Words are powerful! The can heal and they can hurt. So I ask you how are you using your words? Are the words you are using enforcing an emotional reaction to control or manipulate a situation? Are they being used in a way that communicates your wants needs and desires accurately? Have you really thought about the why behind the words you use? It is hard to do that. It requires self-reflection. Your words are shaping the relationship you have with yourself and with others.

It is equally important for you to speak good into the lives of others. Yes! Speak good and want for healing and abundance in the lives of the people you hold dear, people you do not know and even people that have not had good intentions in your personal life. Why, would you want to speak good into the lives of others that have questionable intentions toward you? Well, remember everything is energy and energy is everything. We are all energetically connected. Therefore, ultimately we are the energy we put out and how we chose to use the energy we receive. I could go on and on about that but simply put wanting more for others could be that one shift that brings desirable outcomes in the lives of others. This does not mean if you speak good for others you will not deal with undesirable life events. You certainly will. We are all souls living a human experience. The human experience is filled with unexpected events both desirable and undesirable.

For now we are just going to focus on YOU, the person reading this blog. Start focusing on how you talk to yourself. I want you to repeat after me. I am abundant! I am strong! I am worthy! Now continue to repeat it as many times as it takes for you to believe it. It is important to be very aware of your words. The words that you use shape everything. They have power. The subconscious mind is programmable. It believes anything you tell it. It is imperative that you talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love. You must talk and believe that you are valuable because you are. There is only one you in the whole entire universe and it is the most important relationship you will have with a human being this lifetime.

2021 I may not know where I am going but I am going somewhere.

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Picture yourself on a road. No idea what road you are on but it is definitely a road. This road consists of twists, turns, stops, traffic accidents, pot holes, road rage and many other things (that only scratches the surface of the road). All we know is that we are on a road and have no idea where it is going to take us. No one really tells you that on your trip there are so many miracles or beautiful sites to see. They always just mention what you should really watch out for along your journey. Realistically it keeps you kinda blinded. Never really able to enjoy the road trip for exactly what it is. An Adventure!

An adventure! Ha! Some would say 2020 took the word adventure to a new level. Yet, Here we are. The last day of 2020. If I was to tell you this was the best year of my life I would flat out be lying to you. 2020 was one of the hardest years of my life. One day I am sure I will write a tell all that will go into great detail of what i am talking about but not today. I would say that 2020 caused me to lose myself, but that also would be a lie. I had lost myself long before 2020 came along. It was not the hardest because I lost things like others. It was hard because I had to come to terms with myself. I had to come to terms with how I was choosing to create the world I was living in. My eyes were certainly opened to the fact that I was not loving myself and it had been a long time since I really had. Sometimes the hardest moments in our lives come when you are facing yourself in the mirror. I guess that it could be argued that through the chaos of 2020 finding myself was a blessing and therefore 2020 was a blessing in disguise.

Yes, 2020 was hard. For many 2020 was devastating. For me it has also been the year that has lead me to freedom. It has lead me to learn techniques and see myself in a new light. The light that has always been there and that I have always searched for through my sabotaging behaviors. Now to say that I still don’t get challenged and triggers would not be true. I definitely do. When you are on a road to self-discovery and living in the present all days will not be a piece of cake. Do I think that 2021 is going to be the best year of my life? IDK… What I do know is that 2020 gave me the tools, knowledge, motivation and awareness that I need to move forward with a positive and optimistic mindset.

Every New Years Eve I listen to people getting all their resolutions ready. Some people might decide to hit the gym. Others may decide to embark on a road to a new career. Yet some might just be hoping and praying that 2021 takes it a little easier on them. I on the other hand am throwing my hands up and continuing to take the big leap of faith. I am a true believer that everything I am experiencing and going through has a specific purpose. Even the things I would rather not deal with. Then again, I have never been a big resolution person. I have never been the person that starts things in the beginning of the year just because the year reset. I have always been the I will start something when I am ready to do it. As I type right now I can hear my spiritual team laughing at me not because it is funny. They are laughing because it is the absolute truth. I have always took the harder roads.

This year I am sticking to my guns. I will not make a resolution. I don’t have the want or desire to do it. One thing I have learned is that it is perfectly fine to not do things. Especially if you do not want to and they do not resonate with you. I do know what I am going to do. I am going into this new year with an open mind. I am choosing to embrace whatever 2021 throws at me knowing that I am fully capable of handling it with grace and ease. No resolutions for me!!! Not a one. I will however choose to continue to move forward with trusting my intuition. I will continue to leave behind the things that don’t serve my higher-self.

Maybe you, yes you reading this will find yourself in a very similar mindset. How about you? Are you making any resolutions? In reality I have no idea where I am going in 2021 but I know I am going somewhere.

DEAR UNIVERSE WHY DO I CARE ABOUT HOW OTHERS FEEL?

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Dear Universe, Guardian Angles, Ascend Masters, Ancestors and Spirit Guides,

I come to you and ask for your guidance. I set the intention that the message I receive will be out of a place of love. I ask that the highest quality message be provide. So that it may reach the people that need to read it at the time they come across it. I ask the message provide wisdom and guidance. Leading others along their path. Providing them the tools they need to make the decisions required along their path to their most abundant life. Through you I know all is possible. My will, Thy will, Divine Will.

Question: Why is it so hard to speak my truth? Why when I speak my truth do I worry about how others are feeling or going to react.

There are people that have no issues speaking for what they feel or believe in. For you it is very hard. It is hard because some of your truths will be frowned upon by people that you once trusted and loved. You should not let that hinder you from speaking up. If you continue to not honor yourself you are teaching others to not honor you. You are not your past. The past is the lessons you have learned. Those lessons have assist you to this very moment on your path. What you really need to do is accept. Accept yourself and the decisions you have made during your life time. Especially because you can not go back and change them. You can only glance back at them. Thank yourself and the universe for the lessons that came with those decisions. Allow them to assist you as you continue to grow and move forward. Love yourself for them because look where they have led.

You worry about how others feel because that is what you have been taught. You have been taught and led to believe that you should always put others before yourself. In times when you have put yourself first you have been made to feel selfish. It is not selfish to be you. You are not the same as others. You feel what they feel even when you tell yourself you don’t. Your intentions are never to hurt others even though sometimes you will and you have. As much as you say that you are heartless you very much are the opposite. It is okay that you care about what others feel. Your heart is large and your love is strong. It is your biggest strength. Do not look at it as a weakness. Release the guilt you hold for being you. If you do not speak your truth at the expense of how others might feel then you are only making yourself a prisoner of that person. You have needs and desires just like the next person. Forgive yourself! Forgiveness is for you not for anyone else. Through forgiveness there is freedom. Do not be consumed by how others will react. Doing so gives them power over your life. This is your life to live not theirs.

In this life you are here to have the human experience. Do not lose sight of that. You are human. You will make mistakes. Your decisions will not always align with that of another. It is their decisions on how they allow actions of others to influence their life. It is only your responsibility to focus on how you respond in your own life. We want you to really think on this. Is it really that it is hard to speak your truth? What are you really worried about. We know you are worried about how others will perceive you. Our response to that is that is their burden to carry not yours. You are just making decisions in your own life the best way that you know how. We watch you and we see you. As long as you continue to set good intentions everything will work out in your favor.

It is so very import for you to remember how you speak to yourself. How you speak to yourself is how you allow others to speak to you. We know you are nervous about decisions you will have to make. Have faith and trust that these decisions will be for your highest good. One day you will look back and ask yourself why didn’t you do it sooner. Do not worry about the material things in the world. When you place value on the material things of the world you can not see the beauty in everything else around you. You will miss opportunities that are being placed right in front of you. Each moment in your life was created just for you. Never lose sight of that.

You have conditioned your mind to believe that things are much worse than they actually are. These thoughts are what actually hinder your forward movement. Your thoughts quickly become your reality. Sometimes your mind is going to play tricks on you. The mind has been influenced by so many things throughout your life time. Some of those things the mind knows are sabotaging behaviors due to your past traumas/actions. That is where you are now. You are so focused on the external factors (others) that you are failing to see what is really happening. You are failing to see how you are allowing these influences to take hold of you. Break the habit. Do not allow the thoughts of others to consume you. Do not allow the external influence your internal being. You are only harming yourself when you let that happen. The healing process is on going and never really over. You have the tools and knowledge to navigate the days with grace.

You were born to overcome. You were born to have success. You were born to lead others through your life. Your life is your story. Write the best story you can. Right now is where you start the next chapter. You must be very aware of the words you allow into your mind. Be kind to yourself. When you are kind to yourself you can be kind to others. When others are not kind to you still be kind to them. It costs you nothing. Let their actions be their actions. Their actions are not a reflection of you. They are a reflection of themselves. Remember and never forget your actions are the only actions you have any control over. Your actions also are the only actions that you have to answer for. Do not allow the judgement of others impact how you see yourself. Also do not judge others for having judgements. You do not know what they have endured on their path.

QUESTION: What is my life purpose? Do I have one?

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Dear Universe, Guardian Angels, Ancestors and Spirit Guides,

I first want to thank you for always answering my call. I see the signs you have been sending. Thank you for all that you do for me. I am forever grateful.  I ask that you provide a message of the highest quality. Please allow your message to be read by the people that need to read it at the exact moment they need to read it. Allow it to provide healing, purpose and guidance that will lead them to their life’s purpose.  My will, Thy will, Divine Will…

ANSWER:

In order to find your life’s purpose you must first look at your life.  Look around you. Look at your situation. Look at where you have come from. You must look at you. You are the key to understanding your purpose. Inside you are all the keys to unlocking this purpose. The thing you really need to know right now is that you are exactly where you need to be. Everything that you have done, your family has done, people around you have done have lead you right to this moment. There are moments that you are not even aware of that have brought you right here. The short answer is YES you have a purpose.

Your purpose is to show people the light inside you. The light inside you is your direct line to source. You are the missing piece in the universe. You must accept that you will think differently compared to others. You are not meant to be like everyone else. You are meant to stand out from the crowd. You are meant to be a leader in your world. The key to moving forward is to change the way you use and understand energy. You must understand that your energy is key to where you go from this point forward. To do this you must release judgements that you impose of yourself. These judgements will only hold you back.

Understand that we know that you feel like so much is being thrown at you all at once, but the reality is this is the path you took. You wanted the harder path. Know the harder path will allow you to reach others that could have never been reached before. Remember the darkest moments of your life are the moments that you draw your strength from. Use them to cultivate your whole being. The whole being is the key to your purpose. You can be all things. You just have to believe it. You were destined for this. You are made by the creator and are the co-creator of your life.  Through co-creating your life you will help others find their paths and purposes.

Never doubt you have a purpose. You just can’t see the finish line. Be in the moment. Every person that you encounter has a potential message for you to learn. Make sure you are paying attention. Each person you meet deserves to be seen. See them, know they are there. There are some that will teach you lessons about things that don’t serve you. There are some that will teach you how to grow. There are others that will teach you about pain. What if the ones that teach you about pain are the ones that loved you the most but just couldn’t love themselves? Show everyone compassion, love and acceptance.  Forgive yourself when you feel that you are being judgmental. It just means you are seeing something in you that brings out emotion. Identify those emotions. Doing so will provide you the tools to navigate this world more freely. It will allow you to clear your mind and see things as they really are.

Sit with yourself. Write down every idea you have. Keep a dream journal. Also speak your truth. Don’t hold back your emotions because you are afraid of being vulnerable. Vulnerability is a strength. Continue to change your thinking patterns. You are headed in the right direction. Divine timing is everything. Things may not make a lot of sense right now, but you will see when the time is right. Do not give up hope. Do not let the thoughts, ideas and beliefs of others control you. Draw your power from source not people. Always come back to source. 

Do not be afraid. This is just the beginning. Remember one thing. Remember that your energy is everything.  Remember the universal laws. Your energy is what connects you to ALL creation. Just continue to believe. Continue to be you. The true authentic you. Let your light shine. Allow it to lead the way for others. You are the missing piece to the universe. Yes, you have a purpose. Your life is your purpose.

You me and the world you see: Welcome to “Whole-Being Work”

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The most common question I get asked is “What did you do to tune into your intuition”? The answer is, the universe decided for me. The universe decided enough was enough. It was time for me to wake up. I had to go through a lot of things and learn a lot of hard lessons. I took the hard road often. I still stumble upon that hard road at times. I have 40 years of built up ideals and thought patterns lol… To be totally honest when I was first awakened I was scared out of my mind. I thought I was going crazy. I decided that I needed to learn more about my gifts. I need to learn about them to cultivate them. I did this because I really wanted to understand them. Not to mention I wanted to use my gifts to help lift others up. I had this deep knowing inside of me that I am supposed to help others and assist them along their life journey. As crazy as it was the universe was waking me up and igniting my passion.

It really was a combination of a few small steps everyday. Everyday I made an honest effort to understand myself more and really getting to know who I was, where I came from and what made me tick. I started making mindful decisions and directed my energy on focusing on loving myself, cultivating a better environment internally and externally.These things consisted of working out, meditating, reading books, keeping a journal and taking classes are a few examples. I even started researching my family linage. Out of all the things I did, the one thing that helped me connect and understand the most was sitting with myself. I had to quiet the mind. I had to let go of judgement, guilt and shame. I learned the importance of breath, identifying my energy, releasing energy and trusting in my spiritual team/universe.

Let me tell you it has not been easy. Some days are harder than others. There are days that I wake up and think I do not want to do this today. Some days I wake up and think things are too good to be true. Then I have to choose to replace those thoughts. I start with a routine. I visualize the good that I know and see going on in my life. It helps bring me right into the present moment. Other days I wake up on top of my game. The key is everyday I wake up and make a choice. I choose to give the most honest attempt to live out of a place of love, gratitude and appreciation for the day and all the things in it. It does get easier the more you do it. Soon you begin to realize even the days that used to cripple you are not as bad as you once thought.

Another question I get asked is “What do you have to give up to be in tune with your abilities?” Well, to be honest I don’t feel like I have given up anything. Have I stopped doing things that I would have done in the past? Absolutely! Are their behaviors that I have changed? Yes! Do I feel like I gave them up? No. I have the choice/free will to do and participate in the human experience just like everyone else. There are things I choose not to do because I just choose not to.

The big misconception about being spiritual is that you live the life of a saint or that you don’t have bad days. The fact is it is quite the opposite. Now this is what I believe and know to be true through guidance I have received. We are all human living the human experience. Your experience is just that your experience. It is ultimately your choice how you live it. The real question is where and how do you want to exchange your energy. Being spiritual means you deal with energy. All types of energy. Which means you also deal with emotion, and people. It also means you have wants, needs and desires too. My advice is always this. Don’t feel like you have to five something up to be in tune with your abilities. Sometimes it is just that our old choices and actions don’t align anymore.

Its really all about acceptance. Understanding that you have been through things. You have made choices and done things. That is the past. The past has taught you lessons on what serves you and what no longer serves you. You can’t change it so you accept it. Continuing to worry about the could have, would have, should have just hinders your ability to see the now and the growth/progress you have made since then. My advice there is love yourself through those moments. Show yourself some compassion. We are just souls living the human experience using our knowledge and tools to the best we can.

I also get a lot of questions in regards to how did you do your shadow work? Where did you start? How painful is it? Like I mentioned earlier, the universe kinda decided my awakening for me. The universe wake up! Look yourself in the mirror! What are you doing? Everything that triggered me was thrown at me all at one time. A ton of change was thrown at me all at one. Looking back I see that the universe was trying to get my attention for a while now. I just was closed minded. So I was slapped in the face with all my insecurities, judgements, guilt, heartbreak and anything I may have suppressed. I just had to make the choice to do the work because things were happening and out of my own hands. The only way for me to move forward was to face myself. I did A LOT more meditation. I still do a lot more meditation. I constantly have to take time outs and assess actions with the emotions that I may be feeling. I have been through a life time of living. I have people, events and things that trigger me. Understanding what my triggers are and how to identify when I am being triggered takes some work. It can be a little painful but it also is very liberating. There is freedom in it so embrace it.

Honestly, I really do not like the “shadow work” term. I know not everyone will agree but it really has you focus on the parts of you that you hide and do accept. Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that you have to love every part of yourself unconditionally. This includes the parts of you that you do not like or may hide from yourself and the world.  I don’t like that sometimes it is interpreted as that is the only thing you have to work on to connect, release blockages and unlock yourself to connect to higher. Don”t get me wrong. I am in no way shape or form saying to not identify the parts of yourself that cause self-judgement, guilt, shame and unworthiness. It is definitely a needed and required process to develop your intuition so you really trust, listen and understand it. Looking yourself in the mirror and retraining the subconscious is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. In my situation it was all about the whole being. All of me . I focused on the shadow-side and light-side together because it was what I needed to do on my path for growth. I like to refer to it as “Whole-Being work”.

I really believe it should be called “Whole Being work”. This is what I envision and what has worked for me. It is a combination of focusing your energy on loving and understanding your emotions on all levels. The emotions associated with traumas and the emotions associated with achievement/feeling love etc… It’s all about cultivating the internal environment (soul) and finding a way to have balance and love for all of you.  You can’t just focus on the traumas. Especially if you are like me. I was the person that could easily get stuck in past cycles. I needed to focus on cultivating the good with the not so good. The shadow side is definitely part of you and that is perfectly fine. We are all imperfectly perfect. Do not forget that. Your shadow side teaches lessons to lead to wisdom. However, you have strengths and abilities that also need your attention. Your strengths and abilities are there to help you navigate things life throws at you. We lean on our strengths during tough times. Therefore, they need to be nourished and loved also. Thus the idea of “whole being work”.

This is what has worked for me. When I made the choice to really understand my gift I took an approach that focused on me as a whole. I didn’t just work on healing the traumas or what I hid from everyone else. I also worked on my strengths and used the things I knew I was good at to help me make positive change. This allowed me to work on my internal environment and external environment simultaneously. I also want to add that this in a continuous process. Even now I am taking small steps daily to continue to grow my gift and cultivate/manifest my most abundant life by taking an active role as the co-creator.

THE BELIEVER IN ME

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I am a dreamer and I am a believer!

I believe with the right intention anything is possible.

I believe that your dreams can be your reality.

I see the good in people that they can’t see themselves. 

I believe in lifting people up and sharing knowledge because it is power.

I believe what you give is what you receive.

I believe that you can do anything that you put your mind to.

I believe good things come to those who wait (even if I want results now).

I believe that what is meant for you will come for you.

I believe in love at first sight (because it is two souls seeing each other again).

I believe that love is the answer to the most difficult problems.

I believe that even if you can’t see it, it is there.

I believe that there can be a world where people are loved just for existing.

I believe in a world where judgement is released.

I believe through accepting yourself for all that you are you can accept others for who they are.

I believe that in a world where we can be grateful for what we have and not what we don’t.

I believe that people want to be seen. They want to be listened to. They ultimately want to be loved…

I believe that all things start from with-in.  I believe that staring with you and your internal world you can shape your external world.

I believe that we are the co-creators of our lives. We have the ability to manifest our thoughts into reality.  Make your thoughts count.

The world I see: loving unconditionally

When I say it starts with you and the world you see. It is the truth. We manifest the worlds we live in. Have you ever felt like you were unlovable? What made you feel unlovable? There could have been a multitude of events/traumas that happened in your childhood or even adult life that lead you to feeling that you were unlovable. Maybe, just maybe you have been trained to believe that love is conditional. Would you believe me if I told you it is because you have only received conditional love in your lifetime? This may not be true for all but I know that many can relate. If you are feeling unlovable I want to assure you that you are in fact lovable. I love you just for existing. This doesn’t mean that we have to be best friends or agree about everything. It just means I love you no conditions, judgments or stipulations. Does not mean I have to like you at times or agree with you always. I can just love you because I choose to.

I am not unlovable. Let me make that very clear. I realize that now. I am very lovable and very capable of loving others. I was just lost for a long time. I know there are many others across the globe that have trained their minds to believe external factors and traumas they have endured have in fact made them feel unlovable. This is a false belief. It is everyone’s birthright to be loved unconditionally. Can you think of a time that you looked at a person and loved them for just existing? Not for what they stood for, how they looked or their status.  When was the last time you looked at yourself and just loved yourself for existing? Did you know that you can only love another person as much as you love yourself? This was such an important statement for me to hear. Especially as a mother. I am cultivating and developing the minds of what I hope to be well rounded adults one day.  

It is very unfortunate that a large part of the population have never really understood what it means to be loved unconditionally. Loving unconditionally means a person is shown love without stipulations. It is accepting someone for all they are without judgement. Not for who they are, what they stand for, how they look and where they come from. Loved just as they are in the skin they are in. There are no requirements. No tests to pass or boxes to check. Just loved for existing. It is one of the hardest things to accomplish because as individuals we are constantly judging and comparing ourselves to the world we live in. We are all a product of our upbringing. Many of us have been trained (programmed) to think that love is based on meeting requirements(conditions).

Now, I want to focus on the world I see. When I started my journey the idea of showing myself unconditional love was difficult. There were so many things about myself I though we unlovable. I really struggled with it. Some days I still struggle with it. It’s an ongoing learning process. I have spent the majority of my life giving and receiving conditional love. I don’t know that I have ever really experienced love for just existing until I started practicing it myself. In order to get to a place where I could start to love myself unconditionally I first had to identify what I disliked about myself. What about me did I feel made me unlovable. I had to start loving them parts of me because if I couldn’t do it someone else definitely wouldn’t be able to.

Let me tell you it is hard. It is hard to dredge up the deepest darkest parts of yourself that you hid from the world . Then embrace, accept and love yourself for them. It is an emotional roller coaster but worth it. When you finally get to a place where you experience unconditional love through self-demonstration or through others you feel completely seen. We all want to be seen. We all have a purpose. We all want to be accepted for who we are in the present. Not for the circumstances that we experienced.

Unconditional love allows us to really be our authentic self. 

 I want to leave you with this. Some food for thought. Something for you to chew on. What conditions have you set for yourself or someone else when it comes to love. How do they restrict you or them? How does it influence the world you see? 

The world I see: When you start loving yourself loving others comes easy.

Loving yourself is an easy task right?

NOPE! It can be very difficult. However, it is the key to changing the world you see.  Especially if you grew up to believe that love has conditions. The truth is that loving yourself is a human necessity. It is how you take care of yourself and your happiness. It supports your physical, mental and spiritual growth. This can look different for every person bringing us back to the world you see.  Making a conscious effort to love yourself allows for you to accept the things that are meant for you and cultivate the world around you. Which means once you really start loving yourself for who you are loving others for who they are comes easy. How you love yourself is projected into the world around you.  Unfortunately, many of us have been programmed to believe if you love yourself that you are vain, selfish, conceited and egotistical (just to name a few).

I personally have had a hard time loving myself and discerning my emotions. Anytime I would do something for myself I tend to associate it with guilt. I had been programmed to always give to others because the more you give to others the more they will love you. That is bad programming. The truth is others will not love you for what you can give. It leaves things unbalanced. There has to be an equal give and take. You cannot constantly give to others and never give to yourself.

The idea of changing behavior seemed easy enough. Yeah right! Changing habits is the hardest thing to decide to take on. Especially when one of the habits to break was negative self-talk, body shaming and showing myself love. These things are deeply rooted in some of some of the deepest darkest parts of people. How are you supposed to love those parts? It is difficult. It takes being consistent and persistent. Loving yourself is an ongoing process. It’s not like you can just wake up one day and say I am going to love myself. I mean you can but I assure you there is more to the process. There is a whole world around you, obligations, responsibilities and other factors that come into play.

What you can do is wake up and make the choice to make an effort to show yourself love every day. One day turns into 2 days, 2 days turns into a week and weeks turn into years. Before you know it showing yourself love becomes second nature. You will also noticed by showing yourself love you are able to give and receive love easier. The next thing you know you are looking at your life in awe admiring the world around you.

Unfortunately, for me I had to get to a place where I felt like I was losing everything before I even realized that I had to start loving myself and filling my own emotional cup.  The key words there are I felt. The reality was I still had everything things were just changing. Except my perception that wasn’t changing. My perception was my reality. I was unlovable because nobody cared about me. Nobody was choosing me. Nobody cared about what I was going through. These were all lies I was telling myself. I was so focused on what others were doing/not doing for me to show me they loved me that I failed to look at the once person that could change it all. ME!

Let me make this clear. It wasn’t easy. I decided I wanted to get back to the basics. I wanted to do something that I enjoyed. That I could consistently do and be persistent about it. I started reading. I continued to go to the gym. I started eating better. I was feeling better about myself and things around me. I was having a more positive outlook on life.  Then the universe decide to turn my life upside down. The universe decided it was time for me to wake up (which I will explain later) as if I wasn’t already going through enough.

My spiritual awakening sent me into a state of confusion. Since I was already reading I decided to read more. In my reading I noticed a common theme throughout each book was loving yourself to unlock the world around you. This wasn’t just loving the things about myself I liked, it had to be the things I disliked too.  There were tears, laughs and outburst just to name a few things. In hind sight I understand it all.

How did I start?

Every day I wake up I empower myself by allowing myself to choose (allowing for flexibility).

Every day I do one thing for myself that shows me that I love me. It can be as easy as doing my hair or make up or taking a bubble bath.

I set time for meditation (even if it is a small amount of time).

I use positive affirmations.

I make a conscious effort to talk to myself with kindness and compassion.

I forgive myself when I find myself being unkind to myself.

I started setting boundaries with myself and people.

I started journaling.

I started to listen to my intuition and identifying what I was passionate about.

I allowed for time outs.

I started to do things creative. (ex. Singing and writing)

I started taking classes to tune into my intuition more.

I named things I was grateful for to bring me into the present moment.

Showing yourself love will look different for everyone. I am going to be honest with you. Starting to focus inward is going to be a difficult task. It is one that does get easier the more you do it. The more you accept and the more you show yourself a little love and compassion. Before you know it you will notice as you begin to love yourself more loving others is easy.

The world I see. Its my world and ya’ll live in it.

My last post discussed how taking humanity head on was a difficult task. Bringing the world back to humanity is not a task for one person. This lead me to start to look at the world around me, my world. One of my favorite snarky statements is “Its Chrissy’s world and ya’ll live in it”. I never realized how much truth was in that statement until I decided to head on my path of self-discovery (I like to call my journey). It was my ah ha moment. It all had to start with me because I am the center of my world. My world is my reality. Just like your world is your reality.

Let me make one thing clear. I am no saint. I have a lot of baggage and life lessons I have learned. I lived out of a place of shame, guilt, negative self-talk and judgement. Not only for myself but for others. I am quite aware that I am the villain in some people’s stories. The hardest thing a person has to do is look themselves in the mirror. I always told my children they never have to worry about making anyone else happy as long as they could look themselves in the mirror and be happy with what they see staring back at them. The sad thing was I didn’t practice what I preach. Sure, I have accomplished anything I have really set my mind to but like I mentioned earlier something had always been missing. I wasn’t sure that when I looked in the mirror I even knew who the person looking back at me was. If you can think of the name I have been called it and I have done the calling. It’s all good now. I have accepted who am I, where I have been and all I have done. There is nothing that someone could say to me now I haven’t already accepted and forgiven myself for. What some people tend to forget is that forgiveness is never for the receiver it’s for the person doing the forgiving. Sorry for the rant. Now back to the world I saw. 

What most people don’t know about me is I am a hopeless romantic that placed a lot of value on worldly possessions/money. I wanted to find the perfect man that would love me for me and not want to change me. I wanted the perfect family or my idea of the perfect family. I wanted the career, the cars and the house. What I didn’t realize is that I had already set myself up for disappointment. There is no such thing a the perfect anything. I certainly did not get the perfect family or up bringing. I came from a broken home. I was so caught up with the idea of being in love that I would over look red flags. I was a yes person. Yes to everything! Saying no would make me feel guilty because I was letting others down and hurting them. I was the first to apologize in any situation. I would find myself in situations that I really didn’t resonate with me. What did resonate with me. What did I really value? I don’t know I could have really answered that question before I started to plunge into my self-discovery.

“Chrissy’s world” was at a place of total chaos. There was so much change going on in my life all at one time. This life I had built was changing so fast and I was trying to control it. My finances were up in the air, my marriage was a mess, my heart was broken and the job I loved so much was just not as fulfilling as it used to be. I had spent a decade plus working and building a life. Doing things that we are brought up to believe are going to bring us to living a full life. Well, at least what I was taught. Work hard, do more, get more, have more and be more that were the common themes. Yet after I would achieve what I worked for it would be onto the next. Never really taking time to enjoy the fruits of my labor. It left me empty. I was empty in a lot of ways but have more than most so I was OK with it. Something was still missing and I went looking for it. I looked for it through people, things and places but never in the one place that really mattered. I didn’t even stop to look at myself. What was I doing that was impacting the world I see and how I perceive it? If this chaos is happening in my life how am I projecting this chaos onto others?

One thing that never even crossed my mind is that I was setting myself up for heart break. There were things that I was doing that was shaping the world around me as I knew it. The crazy thing was I was stuck in the mindset of pointing fingers and blaming others. Not taking responsibility for how I was allowing things to happen in my life. The universe is going to give you what you believe you deserve. The universe was going to send back to me exactly what I was giving to myself and others. I didn’t believe I deserved love. I didn’t believe it. I certainly didn’t think I was receiving it. At least not what I expected love to be. Since I didn’t believe I deserved love I really never allowed anyone to really love me or get close to me. Maybe I was setting my expectations too high. Maybe my expectations of how things were supposed to happen were hindering me from seeing the full picture.

It was time. It was time for change. No one could change the world around me but me. It all started with me therefore I had to be the start of the change. I started really looking at myself. What were things I liked about me? What were things I disliked about me? What were things I was grateful for in my life? What were things I wanted to change? I needed a new perspective. I started doing one thing every day to show myself I loved me. I started naming things I was grateful for every day. I was working out and eating better. I never miss a Monday. I was reading blogs and learning about being mindful. I began to keep a journal and work on my Chakras. I was starting to see that through my healing process the world around me was healing too. As I let my light shine the people around me were also starting to change. Through my journal I was beginning to accept and love myself for who I was. I began to identify and associating my actions with emotions. I began to really understand myself and how I was interacting and shaping the world around me. When I would have a set back I started to show myself little compassion. Which lead to me showing others compassion. In the past where I had difficulty with empathy it was now becoming so much easier. It all started with little steps I began to take to show myself the love I had been searching for and giving to others. 

Plunging deeper into my self-discovery I really began to think. If I am capable to rebuilding the world around me maybe my story can help someone rebuild the world around them starting a chain reaction. Our perception is our reality. We are all a product of the environments we live in. Think about it, what if we (you and me) really took a good look at the world we see. What if we started to make little changes within ourselves. What if these changes with in ourselves allowed us to experience real unconditional love. These changes would then allow us to meet others just as they are. No judgement, no blame, no shame, no guilt and especially no expectation.